So I Won't Forget...October 2024
3 things I want to remember from the past month.
No one is more like me than my youngest daughter.
Also no one is more difficult in our home right now than my youngest daughter so it really begs the question—are these two things connected? Probably. It’s something I ask in jest, but then toss around inwardly when the house gets quiet after a long day of navigating her big feelings.
We’re both prone to anger before tears. If there is a feeling to be felt about a situation, we take the anger highway on our way to the actual destination. Nowadays I like to think I’ve done enough work, or rather the Spirit has done enough work in me, that I pay the tolls and take the more direct route. This is why my husband loves it when I cry—it means I’ve landed at the destination.
The other day Cece was upset about something. I have no memory of what it was about because moving targets are hard to follow, but I’ll never forget what she said as her big feelings settled and her little body curled up into my arms.
“I don’t want to do it. I don’t feel good when I do it. I can’t help it. I get so mad.”
It was so utterly relatable. I don’t know if I’ve ever comforted her from a place of more empathy than in that moment. I held her and queried my own mind for where I’d heard a similar sentiment. The whisper that followed said something like this: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15, NIV)
Here our friend Paul is postulating on salvation by grace and the life of one with a corrupted heart. Or said another way, he’s speaking about the reality that we can be fully reconciled to God through Christ and still live with the ever-present pain of our sin. We can know what the right way to go is and nonetheless go the wrong way. Or said another way by Cece, we can know that anger doesn’t get the result we want, that it will make us feel icky afterward, and yet still choose it. My sweet girl was grappling with not just the aftermath of an outburst, but the messy reality that sanctification is a grueling process and one that won’t reach its end until Christ returns and sets all things to right.
In the end I didn’t have much of an answer for her other than a heaping dose of encouragement. Keep working toward kindness, I know what it’s like, I love you no matter what…these are the things I said before she bounced right back to ruling the roost. As is the case with most things parenting, I walked away having been nurtured and refined by the wisdom of a child. The tension she named not only pulled me toward humility and empathy (both good things on their own), but it also reminded me of Paul’s conclusion: “Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24b-25, NIV)
Thanks be to God, who pulls me close when I mess up, and who is slowly and surely rescuing me from a corrupted heart. May we all be as earnest as Cece in our sanctification.
So I Won’t Forget #1…Wisdom from the child who is most like me.
A few weeks out of the month I volunteer for what I affectionately call “hall duty” for the children’s ministry at our church. This typically looks like pushing crying babies in strollers down a hallway or helping shuffle volunteers between rooms with 48 toddlers and only 5 kindergarteners.1 I really enjoy the job because selfishly I am not held captive to one particular room, but rather the extrovert in me gets to socialize with all the people coming and going. It fills my cup.
One particular Sunday this month, I was asked to do upstairs hall duty which I quickly learned means sitting in a chair alone and occasionally pointing toward the bathrooms. A riveting job it is not. In the quiet of the hallway I decided to put my phone down and be still. If I couldn’t fill my people-cup, maybe I could fill my silence-is-supposed-to-be-good-cup. I found myself tuning into the sounds coming from our elementary classrooms where my own three kids happened to be in attendance and I realized I had not recently observed the spaces they scurry to when the worship part of our service is over. Why did I not have more of a pulse on what was happening?
Alone in my chair I heard the familiar voice of a friend who I happen to know has been living with cancer for several years. Hers is not my story to tell, but what I can say is that she is faithful—faithful to show up and faithful to serve our kids. I listened to her read the Lord’s Prayer and ask the gaggle of 4th and 5th graders what they thought about daily bread. What do you think Jesus means here, guys? What does this tell us about God? Yes, it means that God will give us all we need. Dumbfounded and with eyes wet with tears, I prayed that they wouldn’t miss the moment, this room full of kids, my own included, bearing witness to a faithful life who has earned a degree in daily bread dependence.
Sort of like when Mary stores up things and ponders them in her heart, I tucked this away as a moment I don’t want to forget. I’ll happily return to the mayhem of the downstairs classrooms, but in that tender moment, I watched a friend live out the gospel when she probably didn’t realize she was doing it. Or maybe she did, but perhaps its hard to measure the success of gospel-living when the room is filled with little girl chatter and frequent bathroom breaks. Either way, I’m grateful and I’ll try to remember that I have all I need.
So I Won’t Forget #2…Give us today our daily bread
We took our ten year old to New York City a few weeks ago.
The trip was a total delight. Ten is the perfect age to walk nine miles in a day without complaining and still want to hold your mom’s hand. That alone could be the thing I don’t want to forget, but I already decided to write about Ella’s favorite part of the week: pigeons and sparrows.
You read that correctly.
Sure, the Statue of Liberty is impressive and Times Square is captivating, but have you chased a pigeon in Central Park? Have you watched the sparrows eating the crumbs of your blueberry muffin and marveled at how many there are? Ella has and these are the highlights that she’s shared with friends upon her return.2
I’ve found myself wanting to redirect her when she answers questions like “what was your favorite part of the trip?” I want her to tell people that she walked down Fifth Avenue or that she saw Starry Night at the MOMA, but she always brings up the pigeons. In her precious defense, I think she might be on to something because the birds in Central Park surely have more to teach us than the flashing neon signs of Times Square. I have never paid any attention to the sparrows, but Ella took notice of these seemingly forgotten creatures and delighted in them.
I've decided to stop nudging her to share about other parts of the trip because if I’m being honest, that’s really just about me. It turns out I still have much to learn from my girl and I certainly never want to stifle her sense of wonder over something God cares for like a sparrow. I also never want to forget it.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. (Matthew 10:29, NIV)
In closing, I did a little research and submit to you 3 fun facts about pigeons and sparrows living in NYC. Take a second to delight in them too!
Pigeons are known for their intelligence and problem-solving skills. They can recognize themselves in mirrors and can learn complex tasks.
Sparrows are highly social birds, often seen in flocks. They communicate with each other using a variety of chirps and calls, making them quite lively and entertaining to observe.
Pigeons have an exceptional sense of direction and are capable of navigating over long distances. They have been used historically for message delivery due to their remarkable homing ability.
So I Won’t Forget…Chasing pigeons and chasing delight
Thanks for reading all the way to the end! Some of you recently have sent me your own So I Won’t Forget moments and I can’t tell you how much I love this. This simple practice reminds me of God’s care, provision, and presence in my ordinary life.
Would you join me in the practice of documenting the things you want to remember? Share in the comments or send me a note. I promise the few minutes it takes to do this will be worth your time.
I swear this has happened. God bless church-planting and all children’s ministry volunteers. Woof.
In her defense, she’s also mentioned seeing The Lion King on Broadway, but definitely not more than she’s mentioned the pigeons.
The pigeons and sparrows as the highlight of her trip made me smile!! And I loved your reflections from the Sunday school hallway!